Losing It Together

I shared in my last couple posts about my healthy lifestyle changes. I told you my Hubby joined the gym with me. He has been using the same journaling app that I have and has been just as committed as me at making changes. I thought it might be fun to share some of the ups and downs of losing weight as a couple – good bad and sometimes ugly.

I can’t imagine trying to do this without the support of my spouse. I hear of people who prepare separate meals for their family while they are “dieting” or trying to lose weight. I have to ask myself, why isn’t what you are eating appropriate for your family? I just couldn’t do that so I’m thankful I don’t have to.

Having someone to workout with really helped me get started and be consistent! I really felt like that first month was critical to long-term success. For me, creating that “habit” of daily workout was so important. We started during Christmas break when I wasn’t working. This made it easy to fit in and I could be super flexible. This meant there was no reason not to go every day. And then when I did go back to work after that first week, we didn’t have much in the way of evening activities. That meant I worked out 27 days in January. Definitely set a precedent for myself. I don’t know if I would have pulled that off without him!

I also have friends who belong to the same gym and love meeting up with them to mix up my workout. It’s great to try a new class with a buddy or teach each other new strength techniques.

We do hold each other accountable…in a good way. After 20+ years we have a pretty good idea of when to push and when to get out of the way:). We both have the expectation of working out 5-6 times a week, it’s just a matter of when. Sometimes together and sometimes not.

But there is a downside as well. Hubby is 6′ tall. I am 5’5″. When we started, he weighed .6 pound more than me. Hard pill for me to swallow.

Then there’s the part where men seem to lose weight more quickly than women. Or as I describe it, “He can look at a salad and lose 5 pounds! Not gonna lie, this was really frustrating in the beginning. By my dear Hubby knew that. He didn’t talk much about where he is or what he has lost. When I was struggling to bump past a plateau at 12 pounds, Youngest Son asked if I knew how much Hubby has lost. I had no idea. He was at 16 pounds down and didn’t share it with me because he knew I was struggling. Isn’t that kind?! I thought so. Right after a punched him a little:).

There’s a bit of healthy competition as well. How many minutes on the elliptical? What incline on the treadmill? How many reps? I think it all keeps us pushing ourselves to give it our all.

We also approach the results of our weight loss differently. He hasn’t bought one new piece of clothing. When he was down 21 pounds he was still wearing the same clothes. Can you say baggy pants?! I, on the other hand, am enjoying trying on new sizes. And I’ve pulled a couple of items out of my doesn’t-fit-me-anymore bin. I have given myself incentives/rewards at 10 and 15 pounds lost, then just started buying clothes…a lot. That doesn’t motivate him.

Over the last 2 months some things have become more challenging. End of school year activities have ramped up making it harder to fit in exercise. We’ve had more celebrations with food that require planning ahead and making good choices. We have realized that choosing to be healthy and incorporate regular exercise requires being a bit selfish. I have to make time to go to the gym when I can and sometimes that means not going to an event or not being home for dinner until later. You really have to choose to make time for it and that means not using that time for something else.

We are exercising separately much more often not. It’s been rare for us to go to the gym together lately. Middle Son is home from college and goes with one of us part of the time. It helps having someone else there.

Hubby is still ahead of me on the weight loss. He still hasn’t bought clothes (I’ve bought him a few things and he’s pulled some out of the old doesn’t fit anymore boxes.) I’m a little more OK with it than I was in the beginning. I know I’m in this for the long haul. I have a lot more weight to lose, but feel good about the permanent changes I’ve made.

Recently, I had about a 2 week hiatus from recording what I ate. Between travel and busy schedules, I just chose to take a break. I exercised less, but tried to make sure I snuck in a little more activity when I could. It resulted in a 1.6 lb loss. That tells me I’ve made some permanent lifestyle changes! I’m back in the swing and mixing things up a bit – some running, more core work and trying hard to get my arms ready for sleeveless shirts:).

Here is a 5 month pic comparison of us. When I saw these two together – wow! I can see the difference. Feels good!

5 month progress

As it says, I am down 29.4 (there is another massage waiting for me at 30- come on 30!!) and he is down 37! My BMI is down 4.4 (still in the obese category). I’ve lost 7.5″ off my bust, 6.25″ off my waist, 5″ off my hips, 1.5″ off my neck and 3″ off my quads. Making progress.

Healthy – Part 1

I feel healthy.

Really.

And I don’t think I’ve ever said that before. Part of me wants to go back and change that to I’m feeling better than I used to. It’s a little less bold. A little safer and maybe not putting myself out there quite so much.

But here’s the back story.

I have never been thin. Or even average. I’ve typically been the heaviest among my friends. On the BMI scale, well I am beyond the obese threshold. I’m not at a loss to explain it, I know why. There are myriad reasons; I love (some) food, I come from hearty stock, I hate running, I have a super busy life, I’ve had my share of stress. You see, there are reasons.

Honestly, I’ve known I needed to make changes for a long time. It was obvious. I also know me pretty well. After all I’ve lived with me for a lot of years! I knew my heart just wasn’t in it. I just couldn’t commit to any plan. It wasn’t about knowing how to do it. It was about being committed to doing it. I lost a significant amount of weight 10+ years ago. And gradually, I gained it all back…and more. I refuse to do that again. It’s disheartening. Devaluing. It’s failure you wear for all the world to see. And to judge. Weight is one of those things we all have an opinion about. We all know how to lose weight; burn more calories than you eat. Simple.

Except it’s not. Food is such a huge part of our culture. We use food as rewards for everything. We celebrate every milestone…with food. We mark every right of passage with a “special” meal. We gather for a relaxing evening with friends…over dinner. And let’s face it, you can’t live without it. I’m not “addicted to food”, I personally don’t subscribe to that thinking. I don’t think it’s an addiction. It’s a choice. But either way you look at it, that vice is something every one of us has to face every day to stay alive.

And exercise takes time. I’m like millions of Americans in that I sit at a desk all day. I borrowed a fitbit from a friend for a few weeks. It was discouraging. On a typical day, without changing my habits, I think the max I ever reached was 6,000 steps. The average was probably closer to 3500-4000. I don’t move at work. 8 hours of every day I’m sitting. And another hour in my car commuting. Getting 30+ minutes a day of exercise takes effort. It takes making a plan and following it. Every day. For forever. That’s a commitment. And to a couch potato…daunting.

Most of you can probably relate on some level. Living healthy takes desire, commitment, follow through and time. I don’t think you can be successful without all four. At least I know I can’t.

I’d like to say I prayed about this for a long time. But by “prayed about it” I mean thought about it often, wished it so and hoped God knew my heart. It was just on my mind a lot. I remember even telling a friend, “I’m waiting for the switch to flip.” That’s really what I needed. That tipping point where your desire overshadows the inconvenience and fear.

My tipping point came on December 29, 2014.

But this post is already very long, so I’ll share the first 3 months of my journey tomorrow.

Vacation Musings

I just returned from a relaxing vacation with family. I had plenty of time to let my mind wander. I miss being able to do that regularly. Life has been so busy, so full of tasks that thinking has been squashed out. It was refreshing to pause. I debated about going media-free for the week, but decided better of it. I just dabbled instead.
Here are a few thoughts and realizations from the week.
• When I don’t trust my gut, that inner voice that tells me what to do, I don’t feel in sync with my own life.
• I won’ t look back in 20 years, or even 20 days for that matter, and wish I had spent more time cleaning, working, planning.
• I am a happier person when I can take a moment and make some order of my life.
• I don’t have to be in control of my life, but I do have to be in control of my responses to my circumstances. I need to make deliberate, intentional choices about how to move forward at any given moment.
• When I look backward, I realize I am much stronger than I believe myself to be.
• Faith is a journey, sometimes a hard one, sometimes a boring one, sometimes an exciting one. It’s hard to stay focused when you are in the boring parts.
• If you can stay focused in the boring parts of faith, you may find great reward in the exciting parts and comfort in the hard parts. It can be like eating your veggies to get to dessert. You don’t see the immediate impact of eating the veggies, but in the long-term, you can’t survive on just dessert.
• Life is a balance between seeing things in the micro and the macro. It is challenging to both look at what is best for an individual and what is best for the group – community, family, world – that individual lives within. Especially when what is “best” for the individual and the group is not the same.
• Loss is inevitable. It will happen. It will be painful. And I will survive. And each loss, be it a parent dying or a son moving off to college, hurts tremendously. And each will make me a more compassionate, understanding person if I let it.
• Creating experiences is one of the best things I can do as a parent. It is the thing that will bind us together when life takes us in different directions. It is the thing that will keep each of us grounded when the world seems to be beating us up. It is the soft spot we can land in our mind when we don’t feel like we have a friend in the world.
• Helping my kids develop their faith and nurturing that faith is hard. I see other parents who do an amazing job of this and feel I fall short. I miss opportunities to nudge my sons in the right direction. I miss the mark myself so often it’s hard to imagine they can see how it should be. Faith is hard.
• Personal wellness is a journey, just like faith, it can be hard to see the impact of your actions for a long time. You have to trust that the tiny steps you are taking are making a difference. You have to keep piling good habits on top of each other until they make big steps and big impact. And still it is work. Always will be.
• Letting people go is hard. Watching your life change is hard. Even when you know the changes are good. When you believe things are heading in a good direction, it is still hard to let go.
• I feel a constant tug between feeling appropriately blessed, fortunate or grateful for all that I have, for all the conveniences, wealth, health and acknowledging that sometimes life is tough. The reality that even if my life seems “good” there are still bad days. There are still times I struggle, still things that get me down. This doesn’t make me ungrateful or complacent, it makes me honest. Event the luckiest people have bad days.
• Sometimes I feel like there are no words left I can say. I live in a world that is so obsessed with analyzing every word we speak, every phrase we utter that no one listens to anyone’s heart. I can’t say I feel blessed – that implies God has bestowed something special on me and skipped someone else. I can’t say I have struggled with anything- after all I am one of those who experience “white privilege” so I’ve had no struggles. So much energy is expended making sure our words are not misinterpreted by someone else. And yet, they will be. Regardless of intent.
• My world is obsessed with categorizing and labeling people. You must fit into a box for me to know how to respond to you. We are not people, individuals; we are the categories we fit into. I want to relate to others as individuals, finding the things we have in common, and learning about the things we see differently. Trying to understand each other. There is good and right in all of us if we just get past the labels and categories we could see that. This feels like too big of a problem to tackle fresh off a relaxing vacation.
• I haven’t written much since I took a new job. This job has monopolized my creative energies, taken over my problem solving space, and challenged me in new ways. I miss writing and have to find a way to get my fix. A way to make writing a priority. Maybe all that extra time I’ll have when two kids are gone off to college….

Renewing Me

I’m in one of those seasons where all the planets align, the things stack up and despite my best efforts I’m totally over committed. It’s frustrating since I’ve been very intentional this year (it is my word for the  year after all) about where I choose to spend my time and energy. I’ve been selective about what I commit to and turned away opportunities. And yet, I find myself, right now, in an icky place. It seems everywhere I turn someone wants a piece of me.

I think some of it is a convergence activities ramping up in anticipation of school starting, end of summer rush, work commitments and a thriving photography business. Right now I am coordinating a family reunion, lead on two major programs at work, preparing for the back to school rush and editing thousands of photos from recent shoots. It’s all good stuff and I’m glad for each of them. It’s just unfortunate that they all come to a head in a months time. There isn’t much breathing room.

Which leads to the feeling of everyone wanting a piece of me. I can manage it for a while, taking things in stride, making decisions on the fly and putting out fires (although I would really rather they not erupt to begin with). But then I reach the tipping point. When I know I need to step away or I might be incredibly, obnoxiously, inappropriate to the next person who asks me for something. Thank goodness I can usually feel this total loss of filter coming on!

I felt it last week. Dreaming of a vacation I can’t take – because I don’t have the cash {2 words: Disney vacation and College tuition. Ok that was 4, but you get it.} or the time. There simply isn’t a time to get away.

So I booked my own mental vacation.

Yesterday I spent the entire day working in my yard. Like from 8 am to 8 pm. And boy can I feel it today! I’m walking like a 90-year-old woman with arthritis; pain with every step. And it feels amazing! There is something about working til your bones are weary. About focusing on one thing and one thing only. Tuning out the rhetoric, the demands, the requests and to do lists. Just doing physical labor. Today I can tackle my projects with a renewed energy and a much better attitude. I’m ready to give things the attention and care they need.

Taking a little time for me, a break from all the demands, even if it was for hard physical labor, renewed me. And my yard looks amazing! It should after 19 bags of mulch, 8 new plants, 12 hours and 1880 pounds of rock moved. Enjoy some pictures of the fruits of my labor.

Those rocks are so much heavier than they appear!

They may look random, but it’s really hard to make things look random!

Really it is.

I now have wild raspberry. I think that’s a good thing.

Why, yes we are ISU fans!

A combo of nursery plants and splits from others – my favorite way to get and give plants!

The wall is still holding up a year later. Guess we did that right so far.

Finally got the front beds mulched. Looks so much more finished this way.

Coral Belles are my friend!

And a couple shots of some great foliage. Love the intensity of the colors.

I am definitely partial to the deep purple, but love the contrast of the bright green.   And I ended the day with a fire in the pit. Peace.

Talking with My Teens about the Birds and the Bees

It’s time to have the talk. The birds and bees talk, with my teenage sons. I’ve actually put it off too long. It’s just hard to do, awkward you know?

But the time has come, things could get even more awkward. I’m going to have to sit them down.

And tell them.

Hubby and I need more time for sex.

When they were little and went to bed by 8:30, life was grand! Plenty of time for adult fun. But now, they stay up really late! Way later than we can stay awake. And they come home in the middle of the night. Being the good boys that they are, they always come in our room to tell us they are home.

So, it’s only a matter of time until we have an incredibly awkward moment. I mean, we all know our parents did it, at least once. Or, in my case, FOUR times! But really, no one wants to know they ever did it for anything but procreation. Definitely not recreation. They don’t want to know and frankly, I don’t want them to interrupt! This leads to a real challenge.

How do we set aside time for a healthy sex life without telling them, “Hey, don’t bother us for the next hour (ok, 10 minutes). And maybe you want to turn the TV up for a bit.”

I think just saying that, would put a damper on everyone’s evening.

We have a lock on the door. But really, “Hey, what’s the door locked for? Oh wait…eewww NO!”

And again, a damper on everyone’s evening.

Maybe we could do the old sock on the doorknob thing. But then they would know, and they don’t want to know!

So, its time to have a talk that no one wants to have. After 22 years of marriage, we still like each other. Sex is part of a healthy relationship, and frankly we enjoy it. Maybe when they have been married 20 years, they will understand why Mom and Dad forced them into that awkward conversation.

Or maybe, I’ll just send them a link to my blog and see if they suddenly make themselves scarce from oh, maybe 9-10 pm a few nights a week and get in the habit of texting me when they are headed home:).

Looking Out From Atop the Plateau

I took a break from “dieting” from Thanksgiving to Christmas. By that I mean I didn’t count calories and I didn’t sweat over having some holiday goodies. I just tried to be reasonable. And apparently that worked. Within a week after Christmas, I was back to my pre-Thanksgiving weight. Actually Thanksgiving day pre- dinner weight:). I’m proud of how I handled what could be a really challenging time of year. And I think it goes back to that 80/20 rule. For me, it’s about changing my mindset. That it is ok to not be perfect every day. And a little misstep doesn’t mean it’s time to throw in the towel. It is about making choices every day. Do I want the extra helping? Maybe I do, but if I decide to it will be because I thought it through and made a conscious choice. It will be intentional.

So I recovered from the holidays pretty quickly, but since then….ufda! I don’t seem to be able to get any traction. I’m doing what I did before, with no results.  I’ve actually added in some exercise now and then. Grrr… I know this happens. It will work again, it’s just frustrating waiting. I decided to track a few other things that I want to accomplish so the number on the scale isn’t my only motivation.

I made a colorful chart to track my progress. Because I like colorful charts:)! I’m trying to build a chain of  good habits. I have goals for weight, water, calories, activity minutes, reduced soda, servings of fruits and vegetables, and hours of sleep. I have progressive targets for each. Trying to step myself up a little at a time in each of those areas. It helps. The pounds still aren’t where I would like them, but I feel good about the other pieces. I’m drinking much more water and less soda. I’ve started doing some consistent minutes of activity and actually eating fruits and veggies. The sleeping part is tough. I can get really distracted at night and lose track of time. Suddenly it’s midnight and I get up before 6. I think getting a good night’s sleep will help my overall health too.

I have plateaued, but I’m still plugging away. I have an 8 week goal and I need the scale to move! I’m sure it will…all in good time:).

A Few of My Favorite Things – for weight loss

I’m still going! Bet you thought I fell off the wagon didn’t you? Nope. Just been crazy busy and haven’t had a lot of new info to post. I’m waiting for a milestone and it is quite elusive right now. In the meantime, I thought it would be fun to share some of my favorite things. You know, the things that get me through!

Greek Yogurt – it’s a fabulous substitute for sour cream and boy do I love sour cream! Greek yogurt has about the same number of calories in a CUP that sour cream has in a TABLESPOON! That’s crazy!

These tortillas – I use them for breakfast nearly every day with either fried or scrambled eggs. Nummy and the lowest calorie I can find that doesn’t taste like cardboard.

Apples – just sweet enough with lots of substance. I’m a fan of Fuji, but Honey Crisps are good too {I just think they are way overpriced}. An apple can satisfy my sweet tooth and get me through the day!

Tuna Creations Herb & Garlic – so tasty and doesn’t even need mayo! {I didn’t believe it either – try it!} I love this with a little Asiago cheese on toasted beefsteak rye. In fact that’s what I’m having for lunch today! Mmmm…

My Scale – never thought I’d say that! But I love having a good digital scale that tells me way more info than I need. I try not to weigh every day, but most of the time I can’t help myself. It does keep me in check. When it moves up a few tenths it’s a good reminder to behave tomorrow:).

Lose It! the app – I mentioned this before, but it is really a staple of this process for me. Even when I don’t log every day, I can use it to track my weight, look back at what foods I’ve eaten before for ideas, and look at the nutritional make up of what I’m eating. This screen shot is from yesterday – told you I love the tortillas and greek yogurt:). Highly recommend the app!

I’m still plugging away; in it for the long haul. It’s not glamorous or exciting. Just plain old, plain old. But it’s working and that matters. I’m encouraged when I catch myself making good choices without thinking about them! I think I should get myself some gold stars shouldn’t I?! 🙂

Good News, Bad News

The bad news first.

I hit a wall. I have been working on eating healthier and losing weight. It went extremely well for 5 weeks!

Then, it went OK for the 6th week.

But, then things changed. Not sure what, but they changed. I think I lost a bit of my inertia. Like with anything, I get bored after a while. And I really like to see results. I saw a lot of results the first 5 weeks. The 6th week, not so much. I was flat and not very motivated. I guess if I think about it, this could be part of my 80/20 rule. Or maybe 83/17. Five weeks of good loss/1 week of flat. Maybe I need to cut myself some slack.

There is also the issue of staying motivated. I knew this would come, in fact I wrote in one of my previous posts about needing to have a plan for when it did. {Yeah, I know myself pretty well!} So my plan was to start some exercise and remember why I was doing it. And honestly, maybe putting my efforts out here in the blog world was part of that. I really can’t imagine having to do a post titled, “I Quit!” or “I Gave Up” or worse yet, “The person I love very much who motivated me to make changes doesn’t actually matter that much to me after all.” {So the last one might have been the world’s longest title!}

The Good News

Putting it out there in the blog world has led to lots of encouragement! People want me to succeed. That feels good. Like I can use your positive energy to get me through when my own is waning. Like a bridge to get me to the other side of a low point. So many of you have encouraging words, ideas and suggestions! Keep them coming, they really help!

The other motivator? The weather was warm today and I needed Capri’s to wear after work. I had a pile of clothes that had been buried in my closet to give away; all too small. I didn’t wear them this summer and some of them didn’t fit me the summer before that either. {Yes, I know, I should have gotten rid of them in that time! And I know which friends will be appalled that I didn’t:)!} On a whim, I grabbed a pair to try on thinking they would still be tight, but I might be able to button them.

They fit! They actually fit.

So I tried on another pair. Cause the first one was probably a fluke, you know.

They fit too! In fact I wore them to the soccer game. And when I saw them in the mirror afterwards? They looked silly! They gave me a saggy butt!

That made me happy. That was motivating!

Tonight I have a renewed energy! Week 7 will be a good one. I can feel it.

Note: This post was written 2 weeks ago.

It’s a Habit

So tomorrow it will be four weeks of trying to eat healthier. And I haven’t given up yet! If anything, it is becoming more second nature. I thought I would share how I’m going about it this time around.

It’s really a simple approach. I am just counting calories. I’ve used an app called Lose It and for the past four weeks I’ve simply tracked the calories I’m eating. Nothing else. No exercise, no fat vs carbs, no goal of how many fruits or vegetables. Just counting calories. I do love the app because it allows me to scan the barcode of anything or I can search the database for the item. That’s all. Journal everything in the app. It does take some extra time, but not much and the fact that I can do it on my phone is huge for me.

The second thing is giving myself some room. I read in a very old magazine {because I keep them and go back to read things years later:)} about the 80/20 rule when it comes to dieting. You could really apply it to anything. Follow the plan 80% of the time and allow yourself grace 20% of the time. This is working for me. It allows me some grey area. Times when I know it will be hard to journal everything, and when I know I will be eating some not-so-good-for-me foods. I don’t feel guilty or stress about it. And more importantly, it doesn’t make me give up. I don’t know if that happens to anyone else, but if I mess up its very tempting to give up. I’ve blown it so its over. Or I feel so bad about it I think I’ll never be successful and so I don’t try. Maybe I’m the only one that happens to:). This 80/20 rule gives me the freedom to take an evening off or not record a meal without throwing in the towel completely. And what I’ve found is that most of the time I at least try to estimate what I have eaten. Or I plan for that higher calorie meal and don’t end up going over by much if at all. It’s a happy consequence.

That’s my super simple plan.

And now that it’s been four weeks, I’m thinking about what the next phase will be. I have a goal I want to reach by Christmas and though this has gone better than expected, I know that I will hit a wall before long where I quit losing and plateau. I need a plan in place for when that time comes. It will be some kind of exercise. Maybe just adding a pedometer. Or maybe I’ll join Middle Son in his P90X workouts…that might kill me. Any suggestions? What can I do to add exercise without taking up hours of my day? I don’t have hours to spare and if it’s really time consuming it won’t fit into my life right now. There has to be ways I can build exercise into my already busy day. I’ll be thinking on that next. Wish me luck!

Note: This post was written two weeks ago:)!

Still Trying

So, it’s been 3 weeks. 21 days since I decided to make a change; to lose weight and eat healthier. But I’m still not ready to go public. I just can’t yet. And that’s ok.

I will share this at some point, but not right now. I have learned some things. About food and about myself.

1. Healthy foods have fewer calories. Generally speaking, if something is good for you it’s probably not loaded with calories. And yes, this is kind of a DUH statement.
2. Fruits and vegetables fill me up and stick with me longer. I can eat an apple at 3:30 and hold off until 8 pm to eat dinner. That’s a big deal!
3. When I eat fewer carbs, I want them less. Conversely, when I give in and have a gooey cinnamon roll, even though I stay within my calories, I want more! I think it may be easier to just stay away than to go through the “withdrawal”!
4. It takes work for me to eat healthy. But I think it will get easier. Making sure we have good food to eat and prepare meals from is important and time-consuming!
5. It doesn’t take me as long to make a nutritious meal. We will quite often grill some meat and have a salad or vegetable with it.Super quick and easy. I didn’t realize how much time I spent making a starch for every meal!

I’m happy with how things have gone this first three weeks. I’ve lost an appropriate amount of weight and I’ve stuck with my plan. I think that’s success at this point. And more importantly its having the desired effect on the person I love who first called me out on this. That’s what really matters.

So no revelations and nothing earth shattering about what I’m doing. It isn’t a game changer, for anyone but me and my family. But it is progress and insight and I have momentum. Here’s to maintaining the inertia:)!

Note: This post was written 2 weeks ago:)!