As a Mom I feel like I have to be on my game all the time. From the minute the alarm goes off in the morning I’m planning, organizing, scheduling and managing. I always have to be thinking about who has what going on. I have to make sure everyone gets to every activity on time, with the right equipment – and then home again. I can be productive for 16 hours. Then I’m done. Life is exhausting and eventually I just need to turn it all off. This usually comes after 10 at night. That’s when I sit on the couch surfing the internet or watching T.V. This is my down time; when I veg out and try not to think about anything too deep.
And then one of my boys comes and sits down beside me. And suddenly they let me into their world for just a little while. It’s a rare and precious glimpse of their life. My teenage boys are on a whole different time zone than me. Come 10:30 pm they become an open book. They talk about their day, share the texts they’ve gotten from girls, talk about their fears, their dreams, what they think of politics and the conditions in Africa. No subject is off limits.
I cherish these moments they let me in. Tired as I may be I love this chance to connect with them. My kids aren’t your typical teenagers. They tell me what’s going on in their lives. They aren’t afraid to tell me they love me or they miss me. But these late night conversations are deeper, more vulnerable. They let me in for a little while and actually appreciate the insights I’m able to share – despite my exhausted state. And I appreciate knowing what they think, how they see their life and their world. These are precious times.
I’m wise enough to know our days of a house full of boys are numbered. I feel the change like that first crisp day in the fall; with excitement about what’s to come and a little melancholy for the end of a season.
So, I will prop my eyes open and listen intently to every word they share. And I will sleep when my nest is empty.