Monthly Archives: November 2013

A Work in Progress

Letting go of what I cannot control has been weighing heavy on my heart this week. I have been faced with a couple situations where I have no control over the outcome or actions of others, despite a big emotional investment. I know most of the time we don’t have control, but this week I have been faced with situations where it really hurts my heart. Where my soul just aches and I can’t do anything to fix it. That’s not the part I’m working on. I think God is working on my heart, helping me to learn how to let go of those things that I cannot change. Acknowledging the pain, the hurt, the angst, the heartache, but not letting that rule me. Figuring out how to acknowledge that pain, accept it and let go of it. It is so easy to let it derail me. To become absorbed in that hurt or uncertainty and sit there. But oh so unhealthy. I believe God is working on my heart to understand I can lean on Him to get through it. It really does mean being intentional; making a choice not to go there. Acknowledging the pain and choosing not to focus on it. A good cry helps. And a good cleaning project. But then let it go.

I guess it’s about trusting God with the outcome.

Easier said than done. I find it challenging to listen to what God is calling me to do and how He is calling me to respond. It’s hard for me to separate out what I want and what I think God wants of me. Is it my desire or His leading? How much is too much effort on my part? If it is supposed to be, it will be. But that makes me think of the story of the man stranded in a flood. He turns down all the people who come to help him because God will save him. He perishes and when he faces God he complains that God didn’t save him to which God replies, dude I tried and you turned down all the help I sent! {OK, so maybe God didn’t say dude, but that’s how I picture it happening:).}

How do I discern when God is sending me a lifeline or when I’m stretching to grasp something I shouldn’t? I suppose that is the question of the ages. I’m probably not the first person to ask. But I do think God is working on my heart in how I handle or respond to those situations out of my control.

When things happen that leave me feeling left out, hurt or rejected. When I’m hurt by the actions or in-actions of others, how do I respond? How do I move past the hurt, try to see the good intentions and ultimately let it go? I cannot control the actions of others. I can only learn from the experience. I can ask myself, when have I been the one on the other side of a situation like this? Where can I improve the way I am treating others? Have I done the same thing to someone else without even realizing the hurt I was causing? Probably.

I guess its about leaning on God to get me through the pain and to open my eyes to the hurt I cause others.

I am a work in progress.

And I am thankful I know God is there to carry me through when my heart hurts too much to go it alone.



Filed under Faith, Intention