I’m trying to lose weight. I hesitate to even say that out loud, because I’ve said it in my head a million times and it never works. But, I have new motivation this time. Some times it just takes the right person saying the right words to make you wake up and see your life differently. That happened to me last week. Someone I care about very much called me out on some of my behavior. It was what I needed to hear. It wasn’t what I wanted to hear, but it was what I needed to hear. You see I’ve gone through a gradual change. It’s been very slow and so slight it was hard to see at first. But when I take a step back and look at myself and my life. Whoa! It’s drastic. And I don’t think its good.
I have slowly and steadily moved toward only eating those things I love. Doesn’t sound horrible. I mean, why eat things you don’t love? But what if the things you love are all bad for you? I’ve transitioned from eating many things, to zeroing in on the foods I love. For example, I can easily pass up a hamburger at dinner. In exchange for two helpings of roasted potatoes with garlic aoli. Rather than order an entre when we go out, I can just order the potato skins appetizer. Do you see a trend? I’ve never been a fan of vegetables, so I just skip them now. I don’t mind fruit, but I don’t love it. So I never reach for fruit when I’m hungry. I can easily turn away food if it isn’t something I love. That’s great! Except. I’m great at creating something I do love. You know, something with starch and cheese and fats. The GOOD stuff!
And each year I seem to put on a few pounds. Nothing drastic. But a few pounds. Lately, I’ve been thinking. If I keep putting on a few pounds, year, after year, after year. When does it stop? At what point will I quit? And I don’t have the answer to that.
Then this conversation with someone I love very much happened. And I realized, this isn’t about me anymore. This is impacting those I care most about in the world and I’m not ok with that. I’m actually ashamed of myself. And embarrassed that I’ve behaved like such a child.
Shame is a great motivator for me. I am determined to CHANGE. It will be slow. It will get hard. But I will change. I am a strong willed person. When I set my mind to something, I’m a bulldog. I can do this. I will do this. I am doing this.
But I can’t do it publicly. Not yet. So I’m writing this post and saving it in my drafts folder. I will share it when I have stayed focused on my goal for 18 days. I think that’s how long they say it takes to create a habit. Then I will share this post. And I’ll keep writing in between – a journal so to speak.
Note: This post was written a month ago:). I’ve just now decided I was ready to post it. There will be more in the series, just a little behind real time. Thanks for understanding!