Adjusting

It’s been almost two weeks since we drove off and left Oldest Son all alone in a strange town. I think it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Getting back in the van after saying our good-byes was painful. Like pulling a piece of my heart out of my chest.

It’s crazy really. This is the thing that I have spent the last 18 1/2 years preparing for. This is the point of raising children. So they can go out and live a productive, happy life. This is the logical next step in the process. And he is well prepared for this adventure {except for the random things we forgot to pack!}. He has chosen a school that is a good fit for him. He has picked a curriculum that I knew was right for him about 13 years ago:)! He got into the dorm he wanted. He has a few close high school friends going to the same school; on campus but not in the same dorm.  Close enough they can get together, but not so close he doesn’t make new friends at college. He is playing in the marching band which is awesome! He will make so many friends through band and have lots of activities to be involved with. It’s all really good!

But it’s also really different. I remember crying in my dorm after my parents left. I remember thinking, pardon the language, “What the hell have I done! I have to go home. I can’t do this!” Fortunately, my parents knew it was the right thing for me too. I stayed, made life long friends, had experiences that shaped the person I am today and met my husband! It was a good thing. Just as this will be for Oldest Son.

But it’s really different. We’re a family of five who is now buying four-packs of tickets. Everyone has their own side at the dinner table. It’s different.

It’s so hard to go from knowing what is going on in their life every day, to being outside the loop. From being a part of decision-making, even as a sounding board, to not knowing when decisions are being made. This is the way it should be. I’m proud of who he is. It’s still hard.

Each day gets a little bit easier. It reminds me of when he learned to walk. You spend lots of back-breaking days, bent over holding hands walking with them. They fall down a lot. And sometimes you think, it’s way too soon for this! Gradually, you move to holding one hand letting them stagger a bit. But eventually, you have to let go all together or they will never learn to walk on their own. And it’s scary to let go. Scary because they could fall and get hurt. Scary because they might not go the direction you thought they would. And scary because they need you a little less.

It’s the way it should be, but as a Mom I deserve to be a little sad. It’s ok for me to take some time to adjust to this new way of relating. Just like it took some adjustment when he entered our lives and turned our world upside down. So it is now. We’re a little out of kilter and need some time to recalibrate.

We will get there. All in good time.

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1 Comment

Filed under Family, Lifestyle, Parenting

One response to “Adjusting

  1. Good luck to both you and him as you both adjust to the new lifestyle.

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