The Woes of Mother’s Day

It’s Mother’s Day! What a strange day. I don’t know the history; who’s idea it was. It might have been a husband/father who really screwed up and had to do something huge to make up for it. And of course, the wives/mothers of the world felt guilty that there wasn’t an equal time to recognize the sacrifices and generosity of the dads so about came Father’s Day. I’m not complaining. I’ll take a day of pampering.

The thing is, I’m not good at pampering. At making people feel special on “their day.” I’m just not. I don’t think I’m a selfish person. I’m just not one of those people who always remembers birthdays {Happy Birthday to my niece Genevieve who turned 21 on Friday}. I don’t send cards; I’m doing good to call or text. It’s not that I don’t care about them. I truly do! I think of them on that day and many others throughout the year. I’m just missing the “send a card” gene. I do make meals for people when they are sick and help out with activities when there is a plea for volunteers. I am happy to take someone else’s kid to games or give someone a ride somewhere. I don’t mind stepping up. I’m a nice person. But I stink at making people feel special.

And that is why my guys don’t do a great job at it. Don’t get me wrong; they are great guys! I love them all! And they do amazing things that make me so proud on a daily basis. But they are not going to buy me flowers, book a massage and make dinner reservations. Unless I tell them they should. At which point it becomes not so much of a sweet gesture as it is doing what you’re told.

And so, after some discussion with my husband yesterday afternoon. I received a peony to replace the one hit by the soccer ball and nearly destroyed, and an Ivy house plant. Because yesterday when Youngest Son and I were shopping I told him these two things. He replied rather uninterested. So I told him he should make a note in his phone of what I mentioned. {I’m trying to help him be better than me here.} He sarcastically replied that his phone doesn’t have a notes place cause he can’t download apps. {such a deprived child!} I told him to text it to one of his brothers or his dad. Yes, I’m resourceful. So he did and after the “discussion” with my husband, that’s what I got. There was a step in the middle though. A call from Hubby to Oldest Son, who was sitting beside me, asking what kind of ivy? Annual or perennial? I said house plant. He said he needed to know annual or perennial. I said houseplant. Oldest Son translated that to say she doesn’t want it to die the day after she gets it. It was all a very special, touching conversation.

I had also told Middle Son, one day this week, that someone could detail my minivan for Mother’s Day. So Saturday afternoon, he began the process. Let me be clear, this should have counted for a couple gifts – my van had reached a new level of filthy! He spent a couple hours on it. And then got distracted. And when we were ready to leave for dinner, everything lying on the driveway was thrown in the trunk. Done!

When the guys came home from the nursery, they set the plants beside me on the lawn and said Happy Mother’s Day, now get ready we are going out for dinner. It’s 80 degrees and I have been working on a project in the yard for 2 hours. I’m sweaty, and dirty. And he wants to leave right now. But I did tell him in our “discussion” that I would like to go out for a nice dinner where someone waits on me. So I hit the high spots and off we went to a lovely dinner.

They had done everything I had mentioned. But somehow, it didn’t feel warm and fuzzy. Maybe that had to do with the fact that I had to provide so much guidance and direction. Go figure.

So what’s the moral of this Mother’s Day tale?

  1. If you want thoughtful, charming kids you better start setting an example of thoughtful and charming when they are young. It’s mighty hard to catch up when they are teenagers.
  2. If you aren’t married to a man who is a super romantic, you should be very specific in your hints. My man will do EXACTLY what I suggest.
  3. Forget about what all the other Mom’s are getting. Don’t read their facebook posts about the spa day or breakfast in bed. Live in the family you have and appreciate them for who they are.

I am blessed many times over each day with a Hubby who works his tail off for his family, who gets so little sleep I’m surprised he can function. He cooks, does laundry, keeps up the yard work. He’s a great husband. My teenage boys bring me tons of joy every day with their laughter, perspectives on life and attitudes toward each other. They have allowed me to stay connected in their world and don’t hesitate to share with me. Those are priceless gifts! And I get to enjoy them over and over again, every day of the year.

So to all the Moms out there. Enjoy your special day and the people who make it that way! Happy Mother’s Day!

And to my own mother, who won’t be getting a card in the mail {yes, I meant to and I’m a schmuck for not sending one}, Happy Mother’s Day! You are my best friend. You are always there for me. You listen to me whine and complain and give me just the right combination of sympathy, understanding and kick-in-the-butt. I don’t know how you survived raising three boys and one very strong-willed girl while working full-time and having a hubby on the road for weeks at a time. You raised us to love God, respect others and ourselves and do what is right. Thanks Mom for giving me my moral compass, my love of writing, and my creativity! You rock! I love you!

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2 Comments

Filed under Advice, Family, Holidays, Legacy, Lifestyle, Parenting

2 responses to “The Woes of Mother’s Day

  1. Excellent post, Judy! We must have gotten the same “oops, I forgot to send a card” gene! I can so relate to that!

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