Celebrating the Spirit

I have always struggled with the notion of predestination. I believe to strongly in free will. Recently, I got into a discussion about this with good friends. We talked about how we see God intervening in our lives, about how we understand His intervention or guidance in our lives.
I believe there are many “right” paths to take. I believe God continually creates opportunity for us to experience the future He has dreamed of for us. We just have to be open to the nudging.
Which takes me to a celebration of sorts. A lesson for me in listening to the still small voice {or sometimes screaming alarm} that I believe to be God’s leading.
A little over a year ago, last spring, I started thinking about a gap I felt in my life. A missing link or hole of sorts. I hadn’t done a Bible study for MANY years. When the kids were young I did 3 or 4 Disciple Bible Studies. They were so powerful for me and made a huge impact on my spiritual life. Then I went to work full time and the Monday morning study didn’t fit in my schedule anymore. And the kids started getting involved in lots of activities quickly filling my weekend. The timing was just not right.
Fast forward about 8 years and I found myself with a hole that I knew needed filling.
At the same time, I found myself longing for more connections with Moms in my life stage – with teenagers and kids with one foot out the door. It occurred to me that many of my relationships to this point centered around the life of my kids. And though there were lots of great women I had made this journey with, we were connected because of our kids or their activities. I realized what I was craving is women I could connect with because we picked each other! Women I would remain close to whether our kids hang out or not, whether we are on the booster board together or not.
I needed connection.
Connection to other women and reconnection to my faith.
And I had a compressed work week at my job so my Fridays were free – me time!
What to do…
I sat with it for a long time, mulling ideas in my head. I looked at options out there. What I felt God leading me to do was start a Bible study in my home. It seemed to be the perfect solution to using the beautiful space I had, creating real connection with others and deepening my faith. But that was a risky idea. What if no one wanted to come? What if their lives are already so full, they have no need for a connection like I do? What if everyone else has all the close relationships they want? What if they already have a safe, supportive place to study God’s word? It sounds funny for me to say out loud now, but those were real fears of mine. I was taking a risk. Risking being rejected when what I needed was connection. Risking being the only kid raising their hand and saying, “I need help.” It was scary.
But I felt like this is what I was supposed to do. So I started making a list. I checked it way more than twice. I thought about women I had met who I wanted to get to know better. About women I thought might be open to a Bible study. About those I thought could be available on a Friday morning. There were some on the list I knew really well, some I had known for years and some I had only had very short superficial conversations with at a game or meeting. I didn’t know if any of them knew each other, but that didn’t matter.
After carefully wording a letter, I emailed about 20 women inviting them to participate. I was careful to let them know, if this wasn’t their thing, I wouldn’t be offended. And then I waited.
There were plenty of no responses. Lots of reasons it just wouldn’t fit or wasn’t the right timing. But, there were a handful of yes responses too. You could say the rest is history. But the rest is the real heart of the story.
I am so blessed {and yes, I do mean God looked on me and gave me a gift} by these women. I can’t imagine getting through the loss of my father without them. I don’t know how I would have gotten through May with Dad’s illness, Middle Son’s graduation and Dad’s funeral. They cleaned my house! Who does that?! They brought us meals and all those things we do to help each other. But more importantly, they have prayed with me, wiped my tears, understood the struggles of my heart, held me close when I didn’t know if I could get through and continue to pray me through it all. That is really powerful stuff!
And now, a year after that first anxious Friday, I see why God put it on my heart to start a summer study. God knew I was going to need something special, something more than what I had, to get through the things to come.
Not predestination, but working on my heart to prepare me in the way I needed.

PS. I debated about writing this for fear of hurting someone in my real world. There is risk- why didn’t she invite me? I would have come. I am sorry if I left you out, sorry if you are searching and not finding. My hope is that this post inspires others to listen to God’s calling, to reach out and ask for what you need. God will help clear the path for you!

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1 Comment

Filed under Faith, Thankful

One response to “Celebrating the Spirit

  1. Marlene Bredlow

    Judy that was beautifully written. God knows just what we need.

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